Acceptance of Randomness in Life
Because no amount of math can account for Infinity. Not yet.
Randomness? No, everything is definitely quantifiable. We use algorithms, big and bigger data to further feed them. Maybe one day we will be able to analyse every parameter that leads us to make the most optimised decision. One day. That day is not here yet.
Until then, we should stop holding ourselves responsible for that car accident, for when you ate that doughnut, for when you shouted out of anger, for when you did things in your best interest at the moment in time and regretted it a moment later in time.
When I say do not hold yourself responsible, I by no means say we should get away with moral responsibility that we are accountable for. As social beings, all us are subjected to this liability.
What I suggest instead is to stop beating yourself up all the time. What happened, happened.
There’s no “What If’s”. There’s no “If Only”. There’s no “How could I be so stupid?”.
If you could go back to the exact same moment that you did do something. You will realise that it is what you absolutely wanted. You did it out of your best interests at heart. You were doing the right thing. It just did not turn out as expected because you have no control over the outcome.
Nobody does. Control is an Illusion.
Go ahead. Read. I was 21 years old when I learnt this and I wish I could have learned it sooner. (see how that could not have been possible?)
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!
I say, bullsh*t.
But this is what I believed anyway. I held myself responsible for every teeny tiny uncomfortable situation I found myself in. It’s amazing how human beings can build rockets and skyscrapers and yet fall prey to psychological follies like this.
What can we do instead? What can we do to address our self-loathing when the wave of randomness hits us?
We take deep breaths
We say to ourselves, “I did the best I could” and we keep trying. Yes, you heard me. Relinquishing control is not equivalent to giving up on the dream.
We try. But it also means to know when to stop. Now, there is no hard and fast cheat sheet I can give but trust your instincts. Give up.
Sometimes giving up is releasing the resistance for the process to work faster. It’s letting go.
We choose Compassion
Self-compassion is one of the most underrated values out there.
So what you made a mess? Was it intentional? No? Then calm down. It does not define you. Yes? Then you just like the mess and that should be okay too.
With self-compassion starts kindness that can be projected out into the world. It really does start with you. Who knows where it might end?
We embrace The “Whatever”
We really do not. I repeat. Do not know what comes next. The uncertainty keeps most of us up at night. But it’s also the same uncertainty that should keep you up in the morning.
“Who knows what happens?”, can either be liberating or restricting. It’s up to you to choose.
Patterns Everywhere
We like to tell ourselves stories about our lives. Find some meaning. In all the sea of Randomness.
Maybe there is a meaning. Maybe there is a pattern. But if you’re just another car stuck in traffic.
You do not get to see this.
The bigger picture might be there. But, we are in no way in control of the complexity that this “Randomness” is.
